When we spoke to Sheila Vijeyarasa and Tyson Salijevic 12 months ago, they were heartbroken after many failed IVF attempts. Now a miracle awaits, finds Michelle Giglio.
As I walk into Sheila and Tyson’s apartment in Queenscliff, it looks like the home of any expectant parents. The nursery is full of unopened boxes with a cot and shelves to build, there are piles of hand-me-down baby clothes and a massive baby ‘to do’ list sticks out in the kitchen.
But Sheila and Tyson are not your ordinary parents-to- be. Their two-and-a-half-year journey to pregnancy has been documented on Big Miracles, Channel 9’s ground-breaking series which follows Australian couples as they go through IVF.
At 47, Sheila is the oldest mother the series, now in its second season, has followed.
What her and Tyson, 48, have shown throughout their journey is an ability to adapt to changing circumstances – and resilience to shoulder many set-backs.
As they approach their son’s birth, the joy of his imminent arrival fills the home. While Sheila is feeling a little anxious about the birth and tired, she is excited. “I think my body is like, ‘what is going on? What have you done to me!’” Sheila laughs. “(But I know) my body can do this. And I do believe ‘mind over matter’ in anything in life.”
Tyson says he is not worried about the birth. “We are so connected, we’re so in tune with each other’s emotions. As soulmates, we know that the birth is going to be this beautiful moment. It’s what happens after!” he laughs.
Having met and gotten engaged within just three months in 2021 at 45 and 46, time was always against the couple who knew above all else that they wanted a family. But by the time a woman has reached 45, the chances of falling pregnant naturally fall dramatically – indeed, many women are already on their menopausal journey. Via IVF, the chances of conceiving at 45 are just four per cent.
So the odds were well and truly stacked against Sheila and Tyson. Series one of Big Miracles showed heartbreak after heartbreak of Sheila trying to get pregnant using eggs she had frozen when aged 38, and then with more which were harvested. After several failed rounds, it was not to be, and the couple made the decision to use an egg donor from the USA. This involved real grief for Sheila.
“I had initial fears of whether I would bond with the child. Will the child bond with me? I would get very emotional about those questions because it is going into the unknown. It’s not a conventional way to become a mother. I had to open my heart that I’d be loving a child that wasn’t connected to me. And it didn’t take me long to get there.
“(But) I definitely went through a period of mourning.”
“It was almost like mourning at pace,” Tyson adds. “One of the benefits of being older is hopefully wisdom, but also emotional maturity and stability. It’s being able to process emotions fast to get to the next outcome.”
As they await the birth of their son, they are acutely aware of the issues involved as older parents. For example, having to earn income longer than the average person, and the vitality levels needed to keep up with a young child.
“While there are downsides, there’s just so much more upside,” Sheila says. “To finally in your life have to think about someone else except for yourself,” Tyson adds.
As for when they will tell their son how he was born, they are both adamant it will happen straight away. “You weave it in as soon as you can,” Tyson explains. Sheila expands: “The counsellor said there should be no moments of shock when they find out. It’s just a story you tell them that they’ve always had a memory of.”
For the couple, the fact that Sheila is growing the baby is key. “I think love is a language that is being communicated to the child the whole pregnancy. And that is the most powerful bond you can ever have between two people. And this process taught me that on a level I never understood before.”
After their story was aired on Big Miracles last year, IVF Australia said it had an uptick in older couples wanting to get pregnant, which was heartening for Sheila and Tyson who both work as motivational speakers. “It took a lot from us to be that vulnerable and show the whole spectrum of emotions doing IVF,” Sheila reflects. “And when I heard that (other) women in their forties were being brave enough to do IVF, I thought, ‘wow, we’ve really helped a lot of people create families.’”
Tyson sums it up: “That’s hope and inspiration, isn’t it?”
The couple would love to have another child using their remaining embryos, but for now, the focus is on the safe arrival of their son. Sheila is also writing a book about their journey which will be published next year. For now, she advises couples to be brave.
“I think the message really is that we never gave up on our dream. But you’ve constantly got to pivot and adjust your plan and somehow the greater dream will manifest. But not in the way you expected.”
Watch Big Miracles on 9 Now.